Comparing Yourself to Others: The Truth, The Ugly, & How to Embrace Your Own Path

I like to use my own experiences as foundations in which I can build my blog posts, and this week is no different; I have recently been taking note of my increased anxiety surrounding my own confidence and ability to accept myself when in comparison to others.

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We live in an era of publication and mass access. Each day, we view excerpts of tens, hundreds, and thousands of lives.

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On Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok, we are bombarded by pictures, videos, stories, captions, claims, memories, opinions, and more. Within seconds, we can scroll through dozens of posts, gaining a small glimpse into the experiences of those we know and/or admire.

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While these sites are wonderfully expressive and useful for communication, they can illicit immense consequences.

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However, despite what the common Karen might be telling you, it is not the fault of social media alone that many individuals are experiencing a sense of increasing self-doubt and longing to appear more like those we see in the world around us.

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Even whilst we listen to podcasts, watch documentaries, and read encouraging books, anxiety and insecurity can take new forms.

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For instance, I have found that listening to self-help podcasts, Ted Talks, webinars, etc, can lead to further distress; I am often left feeling disappointed in myself and dreaming of one day becoming the person that accomplishes the same incredible feats and overcoming such obstacles that the speaker, author, or figure has.

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Anxiety does not allow you to find a silver lining or source of inspiration; instead, it immediately discovers yet another fear or insecurity to attack within you. It is a vicious and relentless circle of uncertainty and paralyzing apprehension.

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Even when viewing pictures of my friends on Instagram, I begin to feel unworthy and uneasiness:

"They look so happy. Are people happier when I am not with them?"

"It looks like they've had such a great time. Are they always joyful? What is wrong with me, then? I am not always joyful like that."

"She accomplished something she has always dreamt of. What am I doing wrong? I haven't accomplished anything like that."

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What we see online represents a single second in time - the mere shutter or click of a camera. We are quick to dismiss the entirety of our own lives (hardships, strengths, eccentricities) beacuse of a moment within the lives of others.

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1) Why We Compare Ourselves To Others

This generation is rooted in both self-sufficiency and longing to exceed the standards set by predecessors.

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"Hey, Sofia, normal words, please."

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Simply and unfortunately, the majority of people cling to an unattainable goal of seeking confidence and happiness within their own pursuits while simultaneously hoping to earn the respect and praise of others in the process.

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Even when attempting to create our own success and ignore the opinions of those around us, we are still creatures who require connection; innately, we appreciate and value the feedback of those in our lives. (And often, strangers not significant in our lives; i.e., one of the major sources of conflict) We treasure being appreciated and valued.

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In this age of instant viewing and connection, we have grown accustomed to having answers, information, reactions, and (hopefully) praise appear at a glance. We become dependent on immediate gratification and become upset when it does not occur: online and in reality.

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Many people yearn for positive comments, approval, and flattery that only outsiders can provide.

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For many, especially those with anxiety and various issues with self-esteem, their sense of worthiness is pitifully low. Thus, they turn to the recognition they receive from others. From there, they build the base of their self-image.

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Many also resort to this out of fear for how the world perceives them. In an effort to please those around him/her/them, one might take painfully close to heart the compliments and criticisms received by others.

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While it is important to be mindful of your appearance and how your presence impacts those in your life, constructing your entire identity and self-regard upon these standards is foolish and damaging.

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2) How Constant Comparison Affects Us

When we establish the value of our existence within the confines of what other people think about us, we begin to lose sight of our genuine passions, personalities, and experiences. Instead of focussing on what brings us joy, peace, satisfaction, anger, fear, etc, we close ourselves off to what and who we truly are and could become.

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We pay so much unnecessary attention to what our followers say of us - to what they of believe is true of our lives.

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I want you to ask yourself the following:

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Do my Instagram followers even know who I am?

Do I actually know who my followers are?

Have I ever met these people?

Do my Twitter followers actually care about what I have to say? Or are they following me simply as a result of a "follow, unfollow" spree?

If I were to hear these comments said to my face in person, how would I respond?

Do I care about the number of likes, followers, retweets, shares, and comments I receive?

How many times have I allowed the popularity of my posts to dictate my mood?

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When I find out about success in someone else's life, do I begin to feel unsuccessful?

When I compare my failures and sorrowful moments to those of others, do I begin to belittle and dismiss my own problems?

When I am proud of myself and something I have done, do I allow other people's negative opinions or disapproval to alter my pride?

When I look at another person's life and experiences, do I feel as though my own path is lacking something?

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When we look at the life another individual leads, we often forget that we are looking from the outside in; we lose track of truth: we peer merely into the reality that this specific individual has crafted.

We are so terribly consumed and blinded by the chase after a perfect reputation that we fail to remember one thing: those we compare ourselves to are often chasing the same goal.

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We become entirely reliant on the words and actions of others to verify our own.

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It is odd, really. We yearn so deeply to create a lasting reality for ourselves that both we and others approve of; yet, we organize its very foundations to crumble, for they are supported by nothing but false impressions, photoshop edits, million-dollar budgets, and fading moments of fleeting happiness.

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We compare our talents to those of others, neglecting the vast differences in skill level, upbringing, natural ability, age, practice, practicality, etc.

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We compare our successes and failures to those of others, neglecting the vast differences in life experiences, pursuits, time periods, etc.

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We train ourselves to validate the very life we lead by that of those who play no active role in it.

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Why judge your own natural appearance based on that of a celebrity with access to the top makeup brands, most prestigious wardrobes, and highest acclaimed plastic surgeons, fitness trainers, social media photographers, and more? Their appearance is often meticulously crafted. Why bother discouraging yourself over their impractical standards?

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Why minimize your own personal accomplishments when reading of or viewing those of another? Your battles are not the same. You have made it this far; that is to be celebrated. -

Do not waste your precious time wishing away the very life that you have worked so hard to create.

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If you look too long at a single moment in someone else's life, you begin to question the totality of your own, picking apart the very quirks that make your story yours.

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3) How To Accept Our Own Paths

No one said that trailblazing was simple or without difficulty.

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However, it must be done courageously in order to build a life that you are proud of, with or without the offered thoughts of other people.

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First, you must evaluate your own tendencies:

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How often do you compare yourself to others?

Which individuals do you find yourself wishing to be more like?

Are there certain people in which make you feel especially untalented, unworthy, unsuccessful, or self-conscious?

Is it possible to eliminate these people from your life?

Is it possible to lessen your time with them?

Are you aware of how to identify toxic people in your life and social circles?

Have you considered making these people aware of how they make you feel?

Is it their intent to make you feel less than, or do you and your comparison create the majority of the issues?

In what environments and/or scenarios do you find that you compare yourself to others most?

Is it possible to avoid these circumstances?

Have you attempted to avoid these situations in the past?

Do you practice positive affirmations?

Do you seek joy and contentment in your own life, soul, and personal experiences, or do you seek self-worth solely through the eyes, thoughts, and expectations of others?

How would you define yourself in three words or phrases?

Are these phrases of your own creativity?

Do you know yourself well enough to describe your main attributes?

When you compare yourself to others, is it to gain insight as to how you can improve?

Are you doing it to better yourself?

Are you simply curious, or are you longing to discover significance and meaning in your own life?

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You cannot find and retain longstanding self-worth through the transient world of social media. You cannot sincerely "find yourself" if you continue to look towards others. You cannot become the perfect version of yourself if you continue seeking to attain the level of perfection in which was created for another. And you cannot learn to accept your life as a whole - flaws included - if you constantly attempt to rid yourself of them.

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I hope you realize and remember that you are special; what makes you different is what you may use to your advantage in your journey. Think of your unique traits as tools that were gifted to you as an aid in the extremely odd adventure that is known as the human experience.

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Be kind to yourself.

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In light & peace,

Sofia F.

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Each individual human is presented with a riddle known as life. The imperfections and varying characteristics act as clues to solving the riddle. Once you conquer and utilize those traits, you have discovered the answer; you have won.

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