How You Can Support Your Loved Ones While They Battle Mental Illness

Sofia Isabella Flores
Jun 10, 2020
8 min read

Relationships are integral to the human condition; our connections and affiliations to our peers come to shape far more than simply our social lives. However, at any age and in any circumstance, these bonds can be rather complex and demanding. When upkeeping these ties as well as our own mental states, it is key to remain patient, understanding, and compassionate.

After receiving multiple questions from individuals with loved ones suffering from mental health issues and mental illness about how best to serve and support them through their trials, I thought it best to discuss how I have grown to embrace my anxiety disorder and depression with those that I care for and who care for me.

It has been a tumultuous and very odd journey, but I have learned an immeasurable amount of information about myself, social tendencies, and the varying ways in which my anxiety affects those who I spend my time with.

I often overanalyze my interactions with friends, family, peers, etc, and I have taken it upon myself as of late to gain insight as to how my most significant relationships have been affected by my battle with mental illness.

The goal of this post is to encourage communication, honesty, and love between all people: friends, family, acquaintances, peers, significant others, mentors, and every individual bond imaginable.

If you are seeking to educate yourself in how best to support a loved one who battles mental hardships;

If you are unsure as to how you can approach and assist a loved one who appears to need mental or emotional aid;

If you hope to better your understanding of both yourself and those who mean the most to your life, I invite you to sit down, take a breath, and enjoy the next few minutes as I share my wisdom, advice, and stories with you.

Disclaimer & Important Information To Consider:

First, I must make it clear that, while you are seeking to help, the individual in which you are attempting to advise may not be incredibly forthcoming. With such personal conflicts like mental illness and mental health, many people are uncomfortable and insecure when those around them appear to take note of the difficulties they face.

When I was first diagnosed, I felt like a burden to those around me. I hid my diagnosis from new friends, family, mentors, and others. I had already taken a leave of absence from school, experienced multiple panic attacks in public, and succumbed to numerous outbursts of perfectionism and insecurity in the company of my peers. (Defnitely not the best junior high experience when you spend most of your time crying in the middle of English class) In my mind, I would only make more trouble for myself if I publicized the true reasons behind my behavior.

I did not want to be associated with the common notions many hold to mental illness. I was terrified of being seen as "weird" or "sick." Mental illness has developed and progressed in the public view recently; however, the stigma has, too.

So many people in this day and age use mental illness as an avenue of excuse.

What more mature generations perceived as deranged, bizarre, and exaggerated, the contemporaries exausht with redundancy and ignorance.

Social media is flooded with messages about "anxiety" towards school work or "depression" symptoms being aggravated by the imbalanced lives we lead; however, a medical/clinical case of mental illness is quite often overlooked and neglected by our fast-pace society.

The first step you must take towards supporting and offering help to a loved one battling mental health troubles or mental illness symptoms is understanding your own opinions in regards to psychological and emotional turmoil.

1) Consider, Research, & Answer the Following:

Do I often refer to myself or others as having anxiety, depression, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, PTSD, etc without genuinely understanding what these terms mean?

Do I believe that emotional health should be held to the same degree of importance as physical health?

Do I believe that internal thoughts and emotions can affect how one feels externally?

Have I ever mocked an individual with a mental illness/impairment/handicap?

Do I belive that having a diagnosed mental illness qualifies as a disability?

What is the difference between mental health and mental illness?

What bias or biases might I have against mental struggles?

Have I ever struggled with my own mental welfare?

Is psychology a true science and medical field?

What are the various mental illnesses?

What do I believe psychology truly is?

What do I believe psychiatry truly is?

Once we discover the truth behind our personal opinions as well as key background information, our ability to assist others in these realms becomes simpler.

2) Approaching Your Loved Ones:

If you sense that a family member, friend, peer, or close acquaintance is struggling, do not hesitate to offer your encouragement. However, it is vital not to appear superior or pitiful.

More often than not, it is difficult for people, regardless of circumstance, to accept help; we are a generation of self-sufficiency. Whether it be out of pride, self preservation, insecurity, fear, or the mere inability to recognize that additional assistance is needed, many individuals could feel threatened and as if they have failed to solve their own issues.

You must be certain and unwavering in your concerns. Do not shy away from researching the behaviors and symptoms that concern you. Try to gain a decent understanding of what mental issues your loved one is suffering from.

If your loved one has already been diagnosed, it is not your responsibility to monitor their every move, symptom, or struggle. However, you do have the right to worry for them and their recovery.

When approaching someone you care for, be gentle, sincere, and kind.

You must be patient and understanding; depending on the severity of the mental and/or emotional distress, your loved one may not be willing or mindful of the benefits of outside help.

If you come from a strong foundation of genuine concern, love, and sympathy, you can do no wrong by seeking to help those around you battling their internal adversities.

3) Family Relations - How To Support Those Close To You:

Being that our family members are now some of our closest connections in this time, the ability to monitor and care for your loved ones' well being has never been more within reach.

Alright, if you are reading this segment, you most likely have a family member with some form of apparent or previously diagnosed mental disorder, illness, struggle, etc.

If you are hoping to support this individual to the best of your ability, it is key to balance these two factors:

Firstly, treat this person as you would normally. I can tell you from my own personal experience that there is nothing worse than being treated or viewed as fragile and somehow changed from who I used to be before being diagnosed. It brings me comfort to know that my family will always see me as the lively, slightly obnoxious little girl I was when I was younger. Consistency and familiarity is imperative to one's life with mental hardships. Establishing a simple sense of structure and stability can do wonders for an individual struggling with heir own mental stability.

Secondly, always be mindful of this individual's emotions, behaviors, and triggers. While it is not necessary to be hypervigilant and take note of each and every living moment you experience with this person, it is necessary to observe their mood as well what might alter it - whether it be worsening it or uplifting it. Being attentive to these shifts can help you better understand how this individual functions, making it easier for you to identify how best you can socialize with and support him/her.

If you know what topics, noises, movements, etc can affect their mental and/or emotional state, you can work to lessen or increase them when spending time with your loved one. And if the individual is willing, you may even be able to communicate these things to him/her, allowing him/her to identify or affirm this information and possibly implement or resolve them in therapy.

Finally, do not get discouraged with your loved ones. I can attest to a very true and frankly harsh reality of mental illness: it makes its victims think, do, and say things that they soon regret.

It is very well known that we are human - flaws and all else.

Do not think that your cousin is upset with you, just because she refuses to talk to you at dinner. Do not think that your son is being disrespectful, just because he leaves the family party early. Do not think that your loved ones have changed forever and can no longer express their feelings for you. They are trying their very best. Even with family and appearingly "comfortable", "low-stimulus" settings, it is likely that they are still feeling anxious, depressed, stressed, distraught, etc; they are still trapped and tormented by the very thoughts and emotions their body produces.

When you experience mental hardship, such as anxiety and depression, it feels as though the world has turned against you; as if your own brain is not truly under your control. And it never regulates itself entirely. Outside help is vital to combating it and living life to its fullest extent possible.

4) Friendships - Schoolmates, Social Interactions, & Peers:

If you have a friend that is struggling, you have the power as a peer to reach them in ways that mentors, family, and others could never even attempt or dream of. Simply because you are not an expert, medical professional, authority figure, or family member, your connection as a friend is astounding.

We all dream of feeling understood. To belong. And to have people in our lives that surround us in positivity and likemindedness.

When I first began experiencing severe anxiety and depression symptoms, I was in 7th grade. My best friend at the time could not comprehend mental illness and refused to believe that anything needed to be helped, as there were no physical or visible ailments or symptoms that she could take note of.

In a nearly three year course, I spent every moment with her wishing she could understand what I was going through, or at least understand the fact that I was, indeed, suffering. After numerous accounts of explaining the inner workings of my anxiety and depression, multiple cry sessions, and debates that ended in further frustration and misunderstanding, I lost a relationship that I had cherished for the last decade of my life. (Best friend breakups are a total mess.)

You do not have to actually understand every aspect of a person's life in order to help them when they are hurting. In truth, it is impossible. You simply have to care enough to want to.

You may not know why your friend is acting in the way that he/she is. You might wonder why your once loud and outgoing best friend now avoids every party and social gathering you invite her to. You might think it is weird and unusual that your once talkative, unapologetic favorite guy friend is now tripping over his words and refuses to answer when you spark up conversation.

The most harsh reality of life is that it changes. Whether it be growth, mental illness, or life experience, there is no possibility of remaining exactly the same throughout the entirety of time.

The best support you can offer is that of sincerity and compassion. You must be empathetic of their feelings.

Treat them as you always would, but do not get discouraged when they do not act as they always would.

Like I stated above, they are trying their absolute hardest to get through, and your commitment to them means far more than they could ever likely express.

Mental illness is not selective. Nor does it solely affect its one sufferer; it attacks the very foundations and livelyhood of all loved ones that its victim holds dear.

You are not alone in your battle.

Your duty as a family member, friend, peer, etc is to be exactly that. Do what you can and wish to support your loved ones. Do not take it upon yourself to heal this individual and rid him/her of all trouble.

Even when in doubt and despair, the best healing remedy is this one, simple phrase: "I am here for you."

Stay strong. You deserve to find joy.

In light & peace,

Sofia F.